This moment where everything stops, I’m staring to the nothingness… the subway may be full, but my mind is lost in my thoughts, I’m thinking about time, the precious present, “how I got here?” this question is rounding thought my mind, I know I allow myself to be here, but “why I took all those decisions?” I love this vibrant city, I’m not question that, “I wanted to be here,'' I don’t question that either; the circumstances are the ones I have lost control of them. I don’t say I don’t love my life or the people who are in my life, I love them very much, for them I’m able to live the dream, or at least try to live the dream. We’re still looking how far I can go and if you have seen everything, I have done this year… my future looks so BRIGHT!
Are you still with me? we are inside the number one train on our way downtown, it’s crowded, yes, and it’s cold outside, yes, people don’t pay attention to you, to me, but me either, I have been crying, remember we are in New York, nobody cares, at least the reason of why you are crying affect them.
I’m trying to be an adult, but it’s difficult for me, I wish there was a secret for you to get in and see what is going on in my mind, you will be amazed of how I can function with all the mess inside me, I guess it’s why I have headaches all the time, I’m trying very hard to build a good life for me, my current and future family, it hasn’t been easy, however, this year was much better that 2018, when maybe you hear or you didn’t hear, I was close to death, that’s why I liked 2019, I know, I went unstoppable crazy trying to accomplish all those things I thought I had lost in 2018.
I will say that 2019 wasn’t perfect but as I told you I did a lot, I’m still poor and student, but I have done everything I found for do voluntary and intern jobs because I want to get better, perhaps I should say I am better. I’m sure that be part of those programs in time will turn me on a wealthy person.
We are having a destination, please don’t blame me, I have no control of the time we are going to make in transition. I learned that things don't always turn out the way I had planned, or the way I though they should be. It’s funny! my life is like riding the subway on holiday and weekend days, I planned everything, which train I was going to take, how long would take me to get there and when I should go to be on time and present to do the job, this year was about to accomplish some of my goals, and I did the work, unlucky my train wasn’t working on schedule so I didn’t get there, the only positive thing about all those years of working hard, it’s that people started to notice me, that I am riding the train to my destination. On my travels I learn that I can get through bad times and keep going to look for better ones, I won’t stop doing right and doing the job. We are here… finally… WELCOME 2020!
