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Welcome to my Dream

The story of my life, the real reason to leave everything and come to unknown world is keeping a dream alive, the people frequently say that the life is unfair, and now I know the true of this words, push myself to something that maybe, just maybe it’s not possible its hard, take ways really different that I thought, or take behaviors that I didn’t know I had; everything to could get a narrow line to who want to become to be and what want to do.

I love see the people around me, hear the perceptions about the life, the dreams, the past, the present and the blurry future, I found out that all this people still with the same doubt, thinking about the good and bad choices, which could be the next action in their lives, and whether is the best to get what they want. I guess, I’ll never know, which decisions I took were right, but who really know?, I wasn’t prepare to the real world, but who is?, even so, I have certainty all my experiences challenged my way of thinking, and still do it.

A few months ago my way of expressing about my immediate future was with joy and enthusiasm ...when anybody asked me- what is your plan Audrey after being au pair? - I used answered enthusiastically ... - I'll take TOEFL 80 points or more of score, and I will get my scholarship to 100% in college to study the career of film acting, and in September 2017 I’ll be in college, hence when I’ll be on the less half of the degree, I’ll be working on some roles in films, and when the degree ends I’ll have full schedule of proposals to work, before thirty I'll be nominated for my first Oscar, I will get it, then start my world in AWARDS, and the reason for all this is love what I do. – Nowadays they asked me again... -Audrey what are you planning to do with your life after this? - ... I answered – I don’t know-. Because I can see myself now, I know that my dream is possible, I can see what want to be, five years from now, but I don’t how I’m going to get from here to there. But I’m still here… trying.

By May 26th, 2014 I come to US, dreamt that everything is possible and easy from here, the famous expectative and reality emerged so quietly. My first option to came here simple and agile, for ease I took it; I want think that was the best choice to got my short-time goals to finally could get my main goal. In this moment I’m an Au Pair (babysitting), for those who are not familiar with the term, an au pair is a person who moves to a foreign country to take care to a family’s children part-time in exchange for a private room, meals and modest salary, an au pairs are not servants or nannies. I looked to learn a new language and experience a new culture. I’m doing it. I chose to become an au pair while I’m working to have the TOEFL and consequently start college in Film Acting; it was a more interesting alternative to a boring job with any future in my hometown, doing the same everyday. I’m going to work as an au pair for one more year to improve my English, connect with people, learn new things, explore US and grow. My life could be sounds like a bargain trading in a few hours of childcare for a chance to live in USA. But in reality, it’s trying to live and work in the same space. Maintaining my dignity when I need be responsible to wiping the bottom of two babies, or cutting up fruit and cheese for a demanding first-grader. I must sacrifice some independence and comfort. Even if my host family is pretty nice with me, I’m not feeling free to enter the living room, flop on the couch and switch on the television anytime I wish. No inviting friends over for a dinner party or to watch a movie. Forget bringing home a guy. Also I have less control over what I’m eating. Although my host family offer me free access to their food and invite me to family meals, it is hard to feel comfortable raiding someone else’s fridge or taking over their kitchen for your culinary experiments with metric recipes, percolators, and gas stoves.

I come from a very large Mexican family. My dad and my Mon had 8 children. So far I’m youngest of my family, this includes sometimes be the favorite, but in the other times is hard to try to get the expectations that my parents hope from me. My seven oldest siblings are talented, they have a good lives… and me… well I’m trying to figure out who I am. Real family, host family, I have beliefs to know I have a good family who tried to create a happy childhood for me. Whatever I’m not child any more or teenager, the 20’s are my life now, the real world, when I should have a job, career, I leave alone, be independent. When the experiences proved to be fundamental to the development of my character, about how my worldview is starting to change. When everyone of my same age are starting or finishing anything, I’m barely thinking about it. What is wrong with me? ; I have a team, they are how part of my family, we named ourselves “vision 44”, they said something to me –for as long as you live never throw off a dream before trying-, then, my parents refused when they knew my decision to come here how au pair, they believe I have other options. I remember, my mom looked at me with weary eyes after bring up eight children, eyes of someone who have experienced and someone who can’t stop dreams.

In many ways, I’m writer of my own life, I began to write, at about the age of thirteen, I used to write my teen troubles, I didn’t do it every day, when I realized, I was tired of write only for feel me better, one day I decided to write my future, my own perfect story, without all the problems or limitation, I wrote at hand in Spanish about three full sheets with all my goals, plans, dreams how all of them already were be mine. When I was writing, I felt this story make me who I am. But I don’t know if those words will be turn into the reality or not. I’m looking to small coincidences with big purpose, with the unique result of doing my dream come true, anywhere, I suddenly find myself confronting questions about what I am doing to get it. Any time I have a goal, I do new goals everyday, because there are some steps that need to be done, some work that needs to be done in order to achieve it, to get the main goal. Bad news, I would not be satisfied until I’ll have actually done the big goal and see results. Well, I want see it, how do I measure my success?

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