Who is at home? That’s my nightmare every weekend since I live here, I love New York and I really enjoy living in the middle of Manhattan, be by midtown I can move everywhere I want. The problem is that I’m living with a American family who, I guess they don’t believe in me, may them think I don’t have projects, I do, I have education and life, I keep me busy daily, I write everyday, read day by day, and the new… be comic.
Every morning around 5:45/6:00am Mateo wakes up, they are days that I’m already awake, but of course I pretend that I’m sleeping. Outside, I can hear the daily sounds, argue, playing, tv, screaming. I’m not part of that, as I keep myself in bed for the next 3 hours trapped in my own mind, trying to enjoy be here, almost impossible I'll be at work or a party and get that same feeling. I'm not like these people. I don't know what I'm doing here, why am I here? I got a panicky feeling in my chest, one that made it harder to breathe. Around 8/8:30 I made myself off my room, fixing a big morning smile and a loud enthusiastic “good morning” for everyone (I do it also for myself, give me hope to start the day, I will be closer to my dream today).
I have no I idea why I haven't been able to sleep... but it is killing me, it’s not just the weekend, it is every single day. Between the weekdays comfort me that I should be up at 6:20 to get ready to work (there some days that I fall sleep went I should be up). I'd been lying awake for the last few hours, because having no social life meant that you went to bed early, event on nights where there is more excitement, but I have no friends or boyfriend in the city right now (sadly I know), I’m working on that. Yes I’m trying to make new friends, the reason the weekends are a nightmare, like I told you I live with an American family, so “Mi casa es su casa”, I’m grateful for what I have, for where I live, I just want to be alone at home without feel guilty of don’t help around (the weekends) or because I want to sleep all day long, or watch a movie, the problem is that if I do that I’ll be a lazy nobody plus selfish. If I go out night’s weekend my sleep consists on 3 to 4 hours per day. But wherever I lay down, I would find myself tossing and turning for hours, my thoughts keeping me awake. I just asking to have my weekends for sleep. Good Luck to me!